Naruto fan fiction, what do you think about this piece of writing?!
Question: Naruto fan fiction, what do you think about this piece of writing!?
The chilly spring breeze sent chills down my back!. Night was approaching, which meant I had to retreat to my stone cottage pretty soon!. I sat by a gentle river, which I enjoyed catching glimpses of occasionally and a big oak tree by the foot of the hill, whose leaves where already grown with wondrous spring pastel colors!. I would delightfully spend my evenings with my back arched against the tree taking in the beautiful splendor of spring and the scenery it created around me!. Spring was my favorite season mostly because lovely flowers would grow during the springtime, especially sunflowers!. I inhaled the fresh air, sighing happily and taking one last look at a bed of wild sunflowers, before calling it a day, when my eyes caught sight of something else that seemed quite gruesome, even at a distance!.
A dead body floated down the current!. My heart dropped, panic rose within me, who was the attacker and what if he was not dead!? I had to save him if he was alive, if dead a proper funeral burial was in order!. I removed my kimono in order to retrieve the body, which left me with my underwear!. I whined a little in my head thinking about how cold the water would be, but I could not afford to lose time!. I had to save him!. C’mon girl you could do it! I chanted in my head to give me a little ego boost!. I dove into the river; the icy water pierced my skin sending goose bumps throughout my body!. I thought later that I probably should have entered the bank, not dive into it!.
As the current brought the body towards me, I braced myself ready for the impact!. I sprung into action when the body made itself down to me!. I grabbed the young man’s shirt and almost instantly successfully brought him to dry land!. The weight of his body and the water pressure altered my motives a little by pushing me forward but as I continued to struggle I made it out of the river with the young man’s body half-land half-water!. I pulled him from under his arms, heaved a few, and after many attempts successfully pulled his body out from the water!. I breathed heavily, trying to catch my breath!. That had taken a toll on me!. I collapsed next to the young man completely out of breath!. Diving into the river and swimming towards one direction while going another because of the current was really harder than it looked!. I instantly felt weak, if I had trained a lot more I probably would have saved that guy from river with no problem!. The thought of him made me look at his direction!.
His long dark hair was mangy and loose; his face adorned with dark heavy lashes and curiously pink rosy cheeks!. Apart from all that he had several cuts on his face and scars on his bare arms!. I checked for his vital signs taking his pulse; he was not dead! This stirred excitement in me for I decided from the very beginning that I would save him and I would!. His heart beat very slowly, irregular, hardly any sign of life, but I was a medical ninja after all and a very confident one at that, probably not as good as Tsunnade-sama but pretty darn close!. I took off the short-sleeved black shirt he wore and cut through the young man’s netted shirt and an array of bruises and cuts were visible including a very nasty gnash at the pit of his stomach!. The blood did not sway me or even the gore of it all!. As a medical ninja I have seen some pretty horrible things!.
A golden orb formed around my hand as I began my work repairing the many tissues that were damaged and healing the gnash the pit of his stomach!. The minor cuts and bruises were not nearly as important as the internal organs that were damaged because of the dangerous assault!. I sighed realizing the seriousness of the injury!. Who could have done such harm to him!? Silly me, I had almost forgotten the dangerous ninja world in which I lived!. A world filled with danger, lost of love ones, bloodshed, and wars!. Men and women fought endless battles that seemed to go never-ending!.
I decided long ago that I would not go through the death of friends or love ones ever again!. I was a traveler by nature, collecting herbs as I went, and sometimes during the spring returning to my little cottage to enjoy my most favorite season!. Growing up in the leaf village I was trained as a healer; that was my only true calling!. I was never that good at fighting!. Ever since I had run away from Konoha I decided to change my appearance and lead a new life, I even went as far as to dye my hair white, which ironically made me stand out even more than before!. I liked my hair so much I decided to leave it the way it was!. It suited me!. And I wasn’t entirely alone I had a kitty by the name of Shanks!. Well, she was not really a kitty, she was a tiger, but I still had company!.
The man before me seemed so strong and he had been reduced to this!. His breathing seemed steadier and more constant that before!. I was done healing him for now; I just needed to dress his wounds with bandages!. Healing him had tired me out completely!. My chakra was considerably low, and I had very little energy left in me!. I had learned to adapt to healings such as these since I had done it very often!. I hurried into the cottage and found handy bandages and wrapped them around his torso, being very careful not to injure him further!. I smiled pleased my talents had not gone to waste!. I shivered realizing I was unclothed with only my underwear; I put on my kimono and gave my attention to the young man!. How would I carry him to the cottage!? He was very heavy especially since the water added weight to his body from his long trousers!. I took them off in the most innocent way I could muster; I felt my cheeks grow hot as I uncovered white boxer shorts!. I thought to wash his garments that were bloodstained and patch up the holes!. I folded the clothes and thought of my next move!.
I heard a soft purr behind me, and I felt my heart stop for just a moment!. I was easily spooked!. “Shanks do not scare me like that!.” The large feline creature rubbed her head against my back apologetically, purring as she did!. I smiled petting her behind her ears!. “I forgive you, how could I not my dear friend!?” She glanced at the man that lay on the ground with only his underwear on, and then she gave me a weird look!. “It is not what you think!.” I paused, looking at her disbelieving face, “I found him injured and then healed him!. I need help getting him inside!. Will you help me Shanks!?” She licked my cheek in response!.
And yes, I did understand Shanks perfectly, well not perfectly but to some extent!. I found her injured when she was a young cub and healed her myself!. From then on we stayed together, it was a dangerous world out there and we needed each other!. I learned to read her actions as clearly as she learned to read mine!. We are quite the pair, I thought happily!. Now I had to think of a way to carry the man’s body without opening his newly sealed wounds!. I thought of holding him underneath his arms and letting Shanks carry the lower part of his body!. It would work; I was very confident!.
Shanks kneeled as I gave her instructions on how we would carry him!. I pulled his body on Shanks’ back and I held him underneath his arms!. “Shanks you can stand now; we are going to go very slowly now, okay!?” The beautiful tigress stood up slowly and started to walk as slow as she could!. “That’s it girl!.” I held him tightly and made sure he did not fall!. His legs dangled a little from Shanks sides and his head rested on my stomach, which must have felt like a fluffy pillow to him!. I sighed relieved that we had finally made to the familiar warmth of my cottage!. A walk that would normally take ten minutes had taken about half an hour!. The cottage was small but quaint; a hearth was in the center, which illuminated the whole room!. I took pride in my little cottage seeing as though I built it myself!.
Shanks and I went into my room and placed the man on a soft bed that was mine!. I pulled an array on blankets over his body; it would get a little chillier at night!. I checked for his pulse and decided he just needed more time to rest, in due time he would be up to his normal self!. I sat on the bed admiring his soft porcelain skin; how did he manage to have such flawless and beautiful skin!? I imagined him putting on face cream every night and a guacamole mask to reduce the clogged up pores!. The thought made me chuckle, startling Shanks who had fallen asleep at my feet!. She moved away to her own bed giving me a dirty look for awakening her!.
The man gave a slight moan and I looked at him concerned, did he awake!? He began to stir and excitement stirred within me!. This was a good sign he was beginning to heal faster than I thought!. His eyes began to slowly open!. He began to move and as his first reaction was to get up the pain must have shot him so much that he was forced to lay back down!. Out of impulse I held his hand, just like a nurse would to console her patient!. “Please do not get up you need to rest!.” His eyes shot out at me and I was a little taken aback from the sudden stare!. He must have not noticed I was there when he was trying to get up!. Poor thing he looked hopeless!. “Stay right here, I will go get you pain relievers!.”
I went to the kitchen to retrieve some medicine so the pain would subside even if it were for a while!. When I returned he gave me that same look he had given me before!. It spooked me out a little but I pushed that thought aside; he was probably just confused so I decided to introduce myself!. “Hi, my name is Rin!. What’s yours!?” I thought to probably not mention that I healed him just yet!. I knew how some guys were with their immense egotism!.
He said nothing for a while and just looked away utterly confused!. “Here drink this; it is medicine to take away the pain!.” I helped him up so he could drink the medicine easier rather than just laying down!. He looked at me gratefully, which I took as a “Thank you!.” Shanks rested her paws by his side of the bed; her face was relatively close to his!. He jumped to the farthest side of the bed in shock!. I laughed, hardly able to control it!. “Shanks do not scare the poor man!.” Shanks retreated obviously insulted!. He looked at me waiting for an explanation!.
“Sorry about that, Shanks is really nice when you get to know her!.” I told him in defense of my feline pal!. “So what is your name!?” I waited for him to answer!. He moved his mouth in response but no sound came out!. His brows furrowed frustratingly, but it seemed no use!. He held his hand to his throat!. What could have happened to him!?
“Relax!.” I told him, he looked distressed from the agitation of losing his voice!. I mean I would be upset if I could not talk as well!. I concentrated my chakra to flow at my hand as I did the familiar golden orb formed once again!. I got a mental picture of the vocal tract and tried to see what was damaged!.
There showed no signs of injury or blood loss to say the least!. As the golden orb dissolved I looked at him sympathetically!. “Does your throat hurt!?” He shook his head, no!. I sighed, thinking that maybe he was lying and trying to be strong, or maybe the pain killers I gave him was working his magic!. Maybe the larynx or more commonly known as the voice box had minimal to do with it; maybe something caused him to lose his voice: a hit on the head, spinal cord damage (which could leave him undoubtedly mute for the rest of his life)!.
I was too tired to think of all the possibilities now but I mentally promised him I would find a cure!. For now, I needed a way to communicate with him!. I walked over to my desk and got some paper and a pen from there!. I handed it to him and he seemed to understand what to do with it!. “What is your name!?”
He sat up a little, the pain had subsided, he wrote in fine small letters, “Itachi!.”
Three days had passed since that day and Itachi was healing nicely!. The only part that remained unhealed however was his inability to speak!. I was completely at a lost as to why he had lost his voice!. There was no way to completely identify the dilemma!. I sighed, utterly relaxed within a bed of Cherry Rose Sunflowers!. I had grown these myself!. I was so proud of them I loved sitting around them!. They were like my subordinates and I their queen!. Out of all the different sunflowers Cherry Rose ones were my favorites!. I liked them maybe because they were so different than the ordinary yellow sunflowers!. I couldn’t really tell!.
I felt a presence behind me and I thought it was Shanks for a moment, so I looked behind me and there was Itachi with a pen and paper in his hands!. “Sit!.” I motioned to him to the spot next to mine!. He looked at me with that familiar glare; I was starting to know all too well!. He stood still; I guess contemplating whether he should sit next to me or stand!. He was blocking the sun so I kind of wished he would sit down so I could feel the sun on my skin!. He finally did!.
We sat in complete silence, which was fine by me since Itachi did not really speak!. I realized taking care of Itachi was not the most pleasant experience!. Yesterday after being told to stay in bed because of his injuries he simply would not listen, and there was no stopping him, might I add!. He was so stubborn when it came to redressing his wounds!. He reminded me of a child!. I looked at him, he looked so innocent for a second, his eyes wandered at a butterfly that fluttered in front of his face and when it got too close he tried to hit it but ended up falling on his back instead!. I burst out laughing suddenly, and he gave me an icy mean look that made me stop abruptly!.
I sighed happily, lying on the fresh earth!. I even hummed a little!. Nothing brought me more joy than my sunflowers!. Itachi looked at me oddly, he probably thought I was being weird, but I did not seem to mind!. Suddenly, I sensed an unusual large amount of chakra heading towards our direction!. I gasped in fright; I have not felt chakra like this in years!. Itachi must have felt it too because I felt him stiffen next to me!. We both stood up at the same time taking fighting stances, prepared for the intruder!. A looming shadow overcame us and finally the stranger showed himself!.
“I knew you were not dead, Itachi!.”Www@Enter-QA@Com
A dead body floated down the current!. My heart dropped, panic rose within me, who was the attacker and what if he was not dead!? I had to save him if he was alive, if dead a proper funeral burial was in order!. I removed my kimono in order to retrieve the body, which left me with my underwear!. I whined a little in my head thinking about how cold the water would be, but I could not afford to lose time!. I had to save him!. C’mon girl you could do it! I chanted in my head to give me a little ego boost!. I dove into the river; the icy water pierced my skin sending goose bumps throughout my body!. I thought later that I probably should have entered the bank, not dive into it!.
As the current brought the body towards me, I braced myself ready for the impact!. I sprung into action when the body made itself down to me!. I grabbed the young man’s shirt and almost instantly successfully brought him to dry land!. The weight of his body and the water pressure altered my motives a little by pushing me forward but as I continued to struggle I made it out of the river with the young man’s body half-land half-water!. I pulled him from under his arms, heaved a few, and after many attempts successfully pulled his body out from the water!. I breathed heavily, trying to catch my breath!. That had taken a toll on me!. I collapsed next to the young man completely out of breath!. Diving into the river and swimming towards one direction while going another because of the current was really harder than it looked!. I instantly felt weak, if I had trained a lot more I probably would have saved that guy from river with no problem!. The thought of him made me look at his direction!.
His long dark hair was mangy and loose; his face adorned with dark heavy lashes and curiously pink rosy cheeks!. Apart from all that he had several cuts on his face and scars on his bare arms!. I checked for his vital signs taking his pulse; he was not dead! This stirred excitement in me for I decided from the very beginning that I would save him and I would!. His heart beat very slowly, irregular, hardly any sign of life, but I was a medical ninja after all and a very confident one at that, probably not as good as Tsunnade-sama but pretty darn close!. I took off the short-sleeved black shirt he wore and cut through the young man’s netted shirt and an array of bruises and cuts were visible including a very nasty gnash at the pit of his stomach!. The blood did not sway me or even the gore of it all!. As a medical ninja I have seen some pretty horrible things!.
A golden orb formed around my hand as I began my work repairing the many tissues that were damaged and healing the gnash the pit of his stomach!. The minor cuts and bruises were not nearly as important as the internal organs that were damaged because of the dangerous assault!. I sighed realizing the seriousness of the injury!. Who could have done such harm to him!? Silly me, I had almost forgotten the dangerous ninja world in which I lived!. A world filled with danger, lost of love ones, bloodshed, and wars!. Men and women fought endless battles that seemed to go never-ending!.
I decided long ago that I would not go through the death of friends or love ones ever again!. I was a traveler by nature, collecting herbs as I went, and sometimes during the spring returning to my little cottage to enjoy my most favorite season!. Growing up in the leaf village I was trained as a healer; that was my only true calling!. I was never that good at fighting!. Ever since I had run away from Konoha I decided to change my appearance and lead a new life, I even went as far as to dye my hair white, which ironically made me stand out even more than before!. I liked my hair so much I decided to leave it the way it was!. It suited me!. And I wasn’t entirely alone I had a kitty by the name of Shanks!. Well, she was not really a kitty, she was a tiger, but I still had company!.
The man before me seemed so strong and he had been reduced to this!. His breathing seemed steadier and more constant that before!. I was done healing him for now; I just needed to dress his wounds with bandages!. Healing him had tired me out completely!. My chakra was considerably low, and I had very little energy left in me!. I had learned to adapt to healings such as these since I had done it very often!. I hurried into the cottage and found handy bandages and wrapped them around his torso, being very careful not to injure him further!. I smiled pleased my talents had not gone to waste!. I shivered realizing I was unclothed with only my underwear; I put on my kimono and gave my attention to the young man!. How would I carry him to the cottage!? He was very heavy especially since the water added weight to his body from his long trousers!. I took them off in the most innocent way I could muster; I felt my cheeks grow hot as I uncovered white boxer shorts!. I thought to wash his garments that were bloodstained and patch up the holes!. I folded the clothes and thought of my next move!.
I heard a soft purr behind me, and I felt my heart stop for just a moment!. I was easily spooked!. “Shanks do not scare me like that!.” The large feline creature rubbed her head against my back apologetically, purring as she did!. I smiled petting her behind her ears!. “I forgive you, how could I not my dear friend!?” She glanced at the man that lay on the ground with only his underwear on, and then she gave me a weird look!. “It is not what you think!.” I paused, looking at her disbelieving face, “I found him injured and then healed him!. I need help getting him inside!. Will you help me Shanks!?” She licked my cheek in response!.
And yes, I did understand Shanks perfectly, well not perfectly but to some extent!. I found her injured when she was a young cub and healed her myself!. From then on we stayed together, it was a dangerous world out there and we needed each other!. I learned to read her actions as clearly as she learned to read mine!. We are quite the pair, I thought happily!. Now I had to think of a way to carry the man’s body without opening his newly sealed wounds!. I thought of holding him underneath his arms and letting Shanks carry the lower part of his body!. It would work; I was very confident!.
Shanks kneeled as I gave her instructions on how we would carry him!. I pulled his body on Shanks’ back and I held him underneath his arms!. “Shanks you can stand now; we are going to go very slowly now, okay!?” The beautiful tigress stood up slowly and started to walk as slow as she could!. “That’s it girl!.” I held him tightly and made sure he did not fall!. His legs dangled a little from Shanks sides and his head rested on my stomach, which must have felt like a fluffy pillow to him!. I sighed relieved that we had finally made to the familiar warmth of my cottage!. A walk that would normally take ten minutes had taken about half an hour!. The cottage was small but quaint; a hearth was in the center, which illuminated the whole room!. I took pride in my little cottage seeing as though I built it myself!.
Shanks and I went into my room and placed the man on a soft bed that was mine!. I pulled an array on blankets over his body; it would get a little chillier at night!. I checked for his pulse and decided he just needed more time to rest, in due time he would be up to his normal self!. I sat on the bed admiring his soft porcelain skin; how did he manage to have such flawless and beautiful skin!? I imagined him putting on face cream every night and a guacamole mask to reduce the clogged up pores!. The thought made me chuckle, startling Shanks who had fallen asleep at my feet!. She moved away to her own bed giving me a dirty look for awakening her!.
The man gave a slight moan and I looked at him concerned, did he awake!? He began to stir and excitement stirred within me!. This was a good sign he was beginning to heal faster than I thought!. His eyes began to slowly open!. He began to move and as his first reaction was to get up the pain must have shot him so much that he was forced to lay back down!. Out of impulse I held his hand, just like a nurse would to console her patient!. “Please do not get up you need to rest!.” His eyes shot out at me and I was a little taken aback from the sudden stare!. He must have not noticed I was there when he was trying to get up!. Poor thing he looked hopeless!. “Stay right here, I will go get you pain relievers!.”
I went to the kitchen to retrieve some medicine so the pain would subside even if it were for a while!. When I returned he gave me that same look he had given me before!. It spooked me out a little but I pushed that thought aside; he was probably just confused so I decided to introduce myself!. “Hi, my name is Rin!. What’s yours!?” I thought to probably not mention that I healed him just yet!. I knew how some guys were with their immense egotism!.
He said nothing for a while and just looked away utterly confused!. “Here drink this; it is medicine to take away the pain!.” I helped him up so he could drink the medicine easier rather than just laying down!. He looked at me gratefully, which I took as a “Thank you!.” Shanks rested her paws by his side of the bed; her face was relatively close to his!. He jumped to the farthest side of the bed in shock!. I laughed, hardly able to control it!. “Shanks do not scare the poor man!.” Shanks retreated obviously insulted!. He looked at me waiting for an explanation!.
“Sorry about that, Shanks is really nice when you get to know her!.” I told him in defense of my feline pal!. “So what is your name!?” I waited for him to answer!. He moved his mouth in response but no sound came out!. His brows furrowed frustratingly, but it seemed no use!. He held his hand to his throat!. What could have happened to him!?
“Relax!.” I told him, he looked distressed from the agitation of losing his voice!. I mean I would be upset if I could not talk as well!. I concentrated my chakra to flow at my hand as I did the familiar golden orb formed once again!. I got a mental picture of the vocal tract and tried to see what was damaged!.
There showed no signs of injury or blood loss to say the least!. As the golden orb dissolved I looked at him sympathetically!. “Does your throat hurt!?” He shook his head, no!. I sighed, thinking that maybe he was lying and trying to be strong, or maybe the pain killers I gave him was working his magic!. Maybe the larynx or more commonly known as the voice box had minimal to do with it; maybe something caused him to lose his voice: a hit on the head, spinal cord damage (which could leave him undoubtedly mute for the rest of his life)!.
I was too tired to think of all the possibilities now but I mentally promised him I would find a cure!. For now, I needed a way to communicate with him!. I walked over to my desk and got some paper and a pen from there!. I handed it to him and he seemed to understand what to do with it!. “What is your name!?”
He sat up a little, the pain had subsided, he wrote in fine small letters, “Itachi!.”
Three days had passed since that day and Itachi was healing nicely!. The only part that remained unhealed however was his inability to speak!. I was completely at a lost as to why he had lost his voice!. There was no way to completely identify the dilemma!. I sighed, utterly relaxed within a bed of Cherry Rose Sunflowers!. I had grown these myself!. I was so proud of them I loved sitting around them!. They were like my subordinates and I their queen!. Out of all the different sunflowers Cherry Rose ones were my favorites!. I liked them maybe because they were so different than the ordinary yellow sunflowers!. I couldn’t really tell!.
I felt a presence behind me and I thought it was Shanks for a moment, so I looked behind me and there was Itachi with a pen and paper in his hands!. “Sit!.” I motioned to him to the spot next to mine!. He looked at me with that familiar glare; I was starting to know all too well!. He stood still; I guess contemplating whether he should sit next to me or stand!. He was blocking the sun so I kind of wished he would sit down so I could feel the sun on my skin!. He finally did!.
We sat in complete silence, which was fine by me since Itachi did not really speak!. I realized taking care of Itachi was not the most pleasant experience!. Yesterday after being told to stay in bed because of his injuries he simply would not listen, and there was no stopping him, might I add!. He was so stubborn when it came to redressing his wounds!. He reminded me of a child!. I looked at him, he looked so innocent for a second, his eyes wandered at a butterfly that fluttered in front of his face and when it got too close he tried to hit it but ended up falling on his back instead!. I burst out laughing suddenly, and he gave me an icy mean look that made me stop abruptly!.
I sighed happily, lying on the fresh earth!. I even hummed a little!. Nothing brought me more joy than my sunflowers!. Itachi looked at me oddly, he probably thought I was being weird, but I did not seem to mind!. Suddenly, I sensed an unusual large amount of chakra heading towards our direction!. I gasped in fright; I have not felt chakra like this in years!. Itachi must have felt it too because I felt him stiffen next to me!. We both stood up at the same time taking fighting stances, prepared for the intruder!. A looming shadow overcame us and finally the stranger showed himself!.
“I knew you were not dead, Itachi!.”Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Brilliant!. Very well written, and you actually used good grammar!. I'm a grammar nazi, and I hate when people just gonore it!. Makes me want to rip my hair out!. Anyway, back on subject!. There were a few sentences that seemed a bit unnecessary, but other than that it was very nicely done!. You should write more!. I'd love to continue reading it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
It's, um, long, that's for sure!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
its really good i hate itachi but i liked itWww@Enter-QA@Com