Who knows any good jokes?!
Question: Rabid Dogs are Useful
One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied.
“I'm sorry,” said Bill, “what happened to her?”
“My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”
Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?”
To which the man replied, “Get in line.”
The Shakes
An old man and a old woman met at an retirement home. They had been dating for quite some time now and one day the old man asks, "If I pull out my penis, would you hold it?" The women agrees and so everyday they would sit on a bench in the garden and the woman would hold the man's penis. One day the woman went to the garden early and found the man with another woman. She approached the man and asked what the other woman has that she doesn't. The man replied gleefully "Parkinsons"!
Womanly Secret
Did you hear about the guy who found out the secret to making women happy?
No, neither did I.
Women and Bikes
Women are like bikes -- the harder you ride them the better they perform.
That's Good, That's Bad
"Did ya hear I got married?"
"Oh, that's good."
"No, that's bad! She's ugly!"
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She's rich."
"Oh, that's good!"
"No, that's bad! She won't give me a cent."
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She bought me servants and a big house"
"Oh, that's good."
"No, that's bad! The house burnt down."
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She was in it."
Man's Intelligence
Q. What do you call a man who has lost 90% of his intelligence?
A. Divorced.
Answers: Rabid Dogs are Useful
One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied.
“I'm sorry,” said Bill, “what happened to her?”
“My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”
Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?”
To which the man replied, “Get in line.”
The Shakes
An old man and a old woman met at an retirement home. They had been dating for quite some time now and one day the old man asks, "If I pull out my penis, would you hold it?" The women agrees and so everyday they would sit on a bench in the garden and the woman would hold the man's penis. One day the woman went to the garden early and found the man with another woman. She approached the man and asked what the other woman has that she doesn't. The man replied gleefully "Parkinsons"!
Womanly Secret
Did you hear about the guy who found out the secret to making women happy?
No, neither did I.
Women and Bikes
Women are like bikes -- the harder you ride them the better they perform.
That's Good, That's Bad
"Did ya hear I got married?"
"Oh, that's good."
"No, that's bad! She's ugly!"
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She's rich."
"Oh, that's good!"
"No, that's bad! She won't give me a cent."
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She bought me servants and a big house"
"Oh, that's good."
"No, that's bad! The house burnt down."
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She was in it."
Man's Intelligence
Q. What do you call a man who has lost 90% of his intelligence?
A. Divorced.
A man was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 60 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the guy said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
this is the wrong section for your question though >.>
there was this grandma who wanted to feed her grandchildren pea soup but was out of peas so she used bebes from a bebe gun. when they were finished, one of the grandchildren came to the grandma and said "grandma, grandma! guess what!" The grandma replied " what?"
The child said "I went to the bathroom and bebes came Out"
The grandma was surprised so she sent the child to play. Then another chlid appraoched her "grandma! Grandma! guess what!"
"What" she replied
"I went to the bathroom and bebes came out" she then sent this child away. then another one approached her.
"Grandma! Grandma!"
"let me guess" she said "you went to the bathroom and bebes came out?"
"no, i farted and I shot the dog"