Weight Loss?!

Weight Loss?

Always looking for a way to drop a few pounds, I was listening closely to a radio spot for a weight-loss center. The announcer’s voice dripped calories as he intoned “Egg nog, gravy, stuffing, cranberries, apple pie…All delicious, but be careful.” He went on to describe more weight inducing items, and concluded by relaying the message that “The average American gains between four and seven pounds over the holiday season.”
My 5-year-old son, also listening, turned to me and said, “Oh, Mom, aren’t you glad you don’t have to worry about that?”
Surprised, I asked what he meant by that.
He replied, “‘Cause we’re not Average-Americans, we’re british- Americans! Right, Mommy?”

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.