Is this a good start to a script?!


Question: (beginnig credits rolling against black) Voice: Life is tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. he's kinda right you know, (party scene starting to come on screen, loud music, huge teen house party) at least the sound and fury part.
camera works its way through the party stops in a backroom with four or five kids talking, doing drugs) thats me (freeze frame) my names micheal, and this is the tale of MY life. you can tell me if im an idiot or not (unfreeze frame)

(kids talk a little, do more drugs. Micheal whispers to his friend Jay, girl Jenny tries to listen in)
Voice of Micheal: i started getting into trouble with my buddy Jay, thats him on the left, when we were 14. we got rapped up into drugs and the lifestyle, shopplifting, graffiti, all the normal stuff. but we wanted something bigger...
Micheal: yo Jay, so whe are we supposed to do this thing, man?
Jay: i told you! we gotta realy plan this out its gonna happen. mikey, we cant afford to be caugt


Answers: (beginnig credits rolling against black) Voice: Life is tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. he's kinda right you know, (party scene starting to come on screen, loud music, huge teen house party) at least the sound and fury part.
camera works its way through the party stops in a backroom with four or five kids talking, doing drugs) thats me (freeze frame) my names micheal, and this is the tale of MY life. you can tell me if im an idiot or not (unfreeze frame)

(kids talk a little, do more drugs. Micheal whispers to his friend Jay, girl Jenny tries to listen in)
Voice of Micheal: i started getting into trouble with my buddy Jay, thats him on the left, when we were 14. we got rapped up into drugs and the lifestyle, shopplifting, graffiti, all the normal stuff. but we wanted something bigger...
Micheal: yo Jay, so whe are we supposed to do this thing, man?
Jay: i told you! we gotta realy plan this out its gonna happen. mikey, we cant afford to be caugt

I ran a theatre company successfully for a number of years. You want honesty? No. This opening doesn't work. It's overdone. It's become cliche. Come from somewhere different. You want to talk about the world of drugs and the street. Okay. Give me (the audience) a place I can come from that I will want to walk through this story with you. Give me some meat. Maybe Michael is grown up and remembering the events. Maybe Michael is now a big drug lord remembering his beginnings. Or maybe Michael is dying and remembering things. Maybe they're a couple of middle class kids playing at being bad boys who get in over their heads. That's nothing new. Maybe the story is about their friendship.

Maybe the story is really about Jenny who always stays in the background.

The point is that right from the opening, right from the time the audience lays eyes on the scene (first 3 seconds or so) you have to grab them. If you don't have them, you've lost your script. You rarely have a second chance to get them back. Watch the openings of some of your favorite movies and really examine how it's done. Subtlety is often more powerful than hitting your audience hard. Hitchcock was a master of it.

Take a night and 4 or 5 movies. Watch the opening scenes. Watch them again and again. See what they're doing. Make sure the movies are of a different genre. Then go back to your script and see what you're doing and what you want from your script.

lolz thats realy good

with the camera tho add in what the angle will be ie: low, high, close up, long distance etc etc :D

How original. I'm also working on script. It's about 7 people who go on a 3 hour boat tour and get stranded on a tropical island.

i got bored during the 3rd sentence . so that means it's not that good . actually REALLY BAD! and i'm not trying to be mean i'm just saying what i think it is. i hate the people who say that they like it but they don't actually like it and then u turn in a piece of **** to ur teacher!! sorry that wasn't really for u the last part



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